You Can't Always Get What You Want

Inquiring minds want to know:

What is up with shoe sales personnel? If a shoe I ask to see is not available in a size 10 medium width, why does the salesperson bring a 9 wide and tell me it may work? Does added width make the length of my foot shorter? I think not, but this has happened enough to make me wonder what the hell is wrong with them. I'm also curious why they bring out stilettos when I tell them I can't wear heels. Are they deaf?

While I'm in the attire department here, do designers really think I'm all that foolish? I wear a size 10-10-10-10-10. I do not wear a 6. Ever. Sometimes, a 10 is tight and I wear a 12. So, when I enter a store and find myself swimming in every size 10 they have, do they think I'm dumb enough to think a miracle has occurred overnight and I've gone down an entire clothing size or two? I think they do. I think that they think I'll buy that size 8 just to know I can fit my behind into it. I did in fact do just that the other day. I'm still telling myself I bought what I did because I liked the clothes-size had nothing to do with it.


If I am out eating Asian food and I select a Szechuan dish, does waitstaff think I don't know what the pepper symbol next to the menu description means? If there is more than one pepper, I think I know it means it's spicy.


I don't need to be told 3 times before they place the order that it's spicy. I get it. That may be why I'm ordering it. And I may even order it if there are three little pepper symbols too. Some like it hot.

And this just in from the Department of Redundancy Department: I was fingerprinted for my new job today. That was a new experience for me. I've had two fingers scanned by the drug computer at work, but never all ten digits. As Tony was printing me today, he told me he had heard the state would soon be requiring us to do this annually. Is that not beyond the dumbest thing you've heard? Will my fingerprints change in a year? I guess I could have traumatic bilateral hand amputations that would require hand transplants. That could necessitate re-printing if I was lucky enough to still be working after such an accident. Still, that's $40 a pop for employers that have staff that enter peoples homes. Not just nurses but EMTs, cops, firefighters, nurse assistants, physical, occupational and speech therapists, social workers, etc. You get the picture. What a waste. I'd like to know which numbskull in Lansing dreamt this one up.

Oh yes, it did not escape me that this entire fingerprinting exercise was a huge invasion of my privacy. Hello big brother-my name is Rudee. I will now be in the FBI's computer data base of known fingerprints. Maybe that can help identify my own hands after the traumatic amputation. What's next? A little spit?