Thursday, June 5, 2008

From the Dark Side

When I was little, I used to read the funnies everyday. Today, I don't get a news "paper," but instead get most of my news from the radio (only if I'm listening to a news station which is rare) or from the internet. I don't read the funny pages anymore but prefer a somewhat darker humor.

I've written before that I hate the fear mongering news and avoid it at all costs. Today, while waiting to hear a weather update, I heard the following stories and just want to share the what I heard on my drive home from work:

From the Associated Press, we have this story fresh from the bottom of the gene pool:

MOBILE, Ala. -- Joshua Mullen just wanted to kill the bees swarming around his utility shed. When Mullen, 26, walked away from the gasoline-soaked towels he was using, he heard a "whoosh" and turned around to see the shed in flames that spread to his rented home and wound up causing some $80,000 in damage. "There were no injuries, unless you count the bees," Mobile Fire-Rescue spokesman Steve Huffman said. Huffman said the fire appears to have started when the pilot light of a hot-water heater in the shed ignited fumes from the gas.

Swimming right along in the shallow end of the gene pool, we have some Detroit thieves who tried to steal Jesus. This is what the Detroit News said about this tragedy:

DETROIT -- Church of the Messiah members repaired copper pipes damaged by thieves and replaced aluminum gutters stolen over the past few months. But the theft of a statue of Jesus nailed to the cross from the east side Detroit church is harder to accept. "It's priceless to our church. I don't know how valuable it could have been to any thief," member Donya Ray-Gregg said Wednesday afternoon of the statue, which is at least the age of the 107-year-old church.

Church of the Messiah leaders believe the answer is in the look of the plas
ter statue. Ray-Gregg said it was green, resembling "tarnished copper."

Now, I think this is really bad when people steal Jesus right off the cross to make a buck. What's really pathetic is what the rest of the world must think about this. When I googled the following detroit thieves steal plaster jesus, look what came up. I had to scroll half way down the page to get a local perspective of the story. The first option was from CHINA!!! (Like they have room to talk!)

When Jesus' hand fell off, his plaster innards must have been exposed and the thieves abandoned him behind some bushes. Here is a picture of the minister with the amputated appendage. Hasn't Jesus been through enough?

Can you possibly stand one more story from the (obviously crowded) shallow end? It would seem this handsome fellow, doesn't like the sketch the courtroom artist did of him. Specifically, he doesn't like the nose. WTF? Do we give two shits?

He also said he doesn't fear the death penalty as he would become a martyr. Isn't this moron's 15 minutes up yet? I think tomorrow, the artist should show him a sketch of this:


Tigers said...

Some days you don't need to read the funnies. I love stories like this.

Rudee said...

I like these stories too. The bee story was the best when I heard it on the radio. Especially when the announcer said the only casualties were the bees.