Tuesday, May 27, 2008

War Tactics

Winter. I was sick to death of winter and all of the snow we had this year. It was beyond disgusting to deal with for so long. On the other hand, I don't recall a single hot flash. The weight of blankets while I sleep is so comforting to me and something I have to wait until winter to enjoy. It's like being in a cocoon or nest. Winter was fabulous for my menopausal body.

Spring has bloomed however, along with my lilacs (very late) and irises (loaded with buds). The temperature is up and so are the hot flashes. I've also started taking a vitamin supplement that's supposed to stop the ringing in my ears. It's loaded with B vitamins and those also cause hot flashes. I no sooner get out of the shower, dried off, dressed and I begin to feel wilted and miserable. I walk around with a perpetual bead of sweat on my brow.

Until now, it's been sort of cool though and no need to turn on the A/C-until yesterday. It was hot. It was humid. I walked in from work to a sweltering home yesterday and turned on the air. First time this year. My husband got home from work two hours later and said, "it's beautiful out." He shut off the air and opened the windows. This to me is an act of war and frankly, I'm a little thin on the manpower to wage war on more than one front.

I got up, shut the windows and turned the air back on. After a satisfying hockey game, I went to bed and saw he had turned the thermostat up to 75. OK. I knew I'd felt hot but kept my mouth shut thinking it was just my blood boiling. I turned it down to 72 and went to bed. At precisely 1:40 this morning, I woke up ROASTING. And it wasn't from a clandestine meeting with Leonardo DiCaprio. It was the temperature in the room. I got up drenched and headed out to check the thermostat. Shit. It was 77 degrees in this house.

Awake, I began to plot all the nasty things I could do and say to my husband when next I talked to him. Feeling miserable at 2 in the morning is about all I can take. Waiting for the air to cool off (it's more the humidity than the temp that gets to me), I plotted my revenge in this round of the summer thermostat wars. I could only come up with breaking his fingers.


Anonymous said...

wow, knitting nurse, your husband sounds like a horrible person. How do you do it.

Next thing you will be telling us is that he leaves the windows open in the fall. Better be careful on approaching him about this, he might use bleach when he washes your uniforms.

Anonymous said...

Well, knitting nurse, hope you are better with the facts in your job as an ICU nurse than you are with this tale you have just posted.

You presented evidence that you woke up to find the thermostat was turned up to 75 from 72. You went on to say the temperature in the house was 77. How could this be? Sounds to me like the object of this act, your husband, is after all, not connected with the scene of the crime after all. poor guy!

Anonymous said...

As a member of the international blogging committe on violence against husbands, you have been reported to somebody in power.

Why do you say? Plotting to break your husband's fingers due to a victimless crime is a bit much. In addition, we see that a previous blogger has presented evidence in you husband's defense that demonstrates he could not have been a party to this temperature crime. Oh, just in! The blogging commission has investigated the evidence and found you guilty. Your punishment, or in reality, your "gift" is to worship and idolize your husband for two days a month for one year. This will allow you to finally appreciate his wisdom, handsome looks and expertise with thermostatic devices and ambient temperature settings. Finally, under no circumstances, are you allowed to break any of his fingers. We will be monitoring this site for further plots of violence against this wonderful man.

Rositta said...

Why do I get the feeling that the last anonymous might be your husband? I fight the same battle every summer, you are not alone. Haven't broken any fingers yet though, it's a thought. Great hockey game, I'm cheering for the big D...ciao

Anonymous said...

you go knitting nurse!!

I completely understand your pain..I also suffer from Thermostatic abuse at the hands of my better half...However, I have temporarily subdued his tendency to control the temp in our home to levels of heat only known in hell.
What did I do? I didn't just break fingers, I whacked his shins with baseball bat. So, don't stop with the fingers! Give him something to remember. Oh, you can also try a canine shock collar. Strap on of those baby's on him and give him jolt before you go to bed at night. Trust me, he will lay off playing with temp!

laurie said...

poor you. i remember when i was in high school my mother used to suddenly dash out onto the front porch when it was 40 degrees below zero, and just stand there for a while.

now i know why.....

Rudee said...

Rositta the Wise. The first three are all him. I don't have to hear to know that's all him with sarcasm so thick it drips like honey.

Dear Author of 1st 3 anon posts:

1. I brought some splints home for you.

2. It was 77 degrees by the thermostat both inside my body and on the wall at 1:40am. If you are cold, put another blankey on the bed.

3. Go ahead-I need to buy new scrubs anyways and bleach will make me do it faster. I'll pull the money from your account to cover. K?

4. For every member of the international blogging police you can find, I can match with 10 perimenopausal women. Bring it on.

Laurie, why didn't our moms explain it all better. Here we are now with nothing more than monkey see-monkey do for a lesson.

Anon # 4--This may be him being sneaky and snarky so I am not sure. Don't think I won't try the shock collar though. Thanks for the idea. I just happen to have one handy.

owiatw said...

you need his and hers thermostats.

Rudee said...

Brilliant OWA! I'll put his under lock and key.