I've Enlisted

I realize I'm a little old, but I've gone and enlisted in the war. I will be joining hundreds of my sisters and brothers in an effort to kill, or be killed. What weapon will I choose? Knitting needles of course. I've gone and joined Sock Wars III. Fool. This is a wildly popular knitting gone mad sort of contest. I'll be making my favorite thing of all, and doing it as fast as I can in an effort not to be killed off too quickly. If I am, I'll only have a pair of socks to show for my war effort. If I win, there'll be a huge yarn payoff. Cha-ching. Note to self: start building that new wing for yarn storage solution.

On May 8th, I'll be emailed a dossier on who my enemy is and a sock pattern to complete. I'll knit those as fast as humanly possible for a girl who can't flush her double points and mail them to my enemy. If my socks get to the enemy first, he or she is DEAD (I'm praying for only she enemies who generally tend to have smaller feet). My enemy must then send me the socks they've been working on (hopefully quickly) to assasinate their enemy who has now become my enemy. Those socks in progress will become my secret weapon. Are you following me? It seems hopeless, but I'm willing to give it a shot and have begun to stockpile sick days from work just in case. I do have natural secret weapons like my size 10 freighter feet (pity the poor soul who gets my dossier) and an ability to knit in the dark-just so long as the pattern is simple.



I am planning my own going away party as I plan to totally ignore everyone I know during the war. I will try to stockpile blogposts too but this is more difficult. Perhaps I can teach myself to knit with my hands and manipulate the keyboard with my toes. In the meantime, I'm off to a Navy Seal training program where I'll study The Art of War and Socks Soar on Two Circulars.



If you'd like a chance at killing me, you can read all about it here. There is a $2.00 registration fee. And no honey, you can't start making plans for the life insurance. Oh, and if you think of remarrying once I'm killed off, I'll haunt you.



"The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on." Ulysses S. Grant