Rudee has been kidnapped.
In her place is a woman who looks like her, and yes, even swears like her. You should have heard this woman curse at her dog last night when she saw all he chewed: the phone handset, an x-box controller, Stinkerbell's books, and, dammitall, her one and only tube of Traumeel. That's the best cream around to treat back pain. It sure sounded like Rudee, but after seeing what this woman brought home to wear to that wedding on Saturday, everyone is pretty certain it's not her.
Here is the dress she bought. While Rudee admits that she is way more comfortable with something that provides coverage only slightly less revealing than a burka, the woman who went shopping with Rudee's credit card today bought nothing more than a dark magenta slip with a sheer negligee-like overdress. It's utterly feminine and has not a trace of black.
The shoes have left everyone speechless. What got into her? Was it the shine of the patent leather that lured her into these dark and murky waters, or something else? These are definitely not Danskos. Please, when you go to church, light a candle in prayer that by Sunday morning, Rudee is not in surgery getting her hip replaced.
For those only interested in the dog...funeral arrangements have been set for Friday.