Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I'm All Talked Out


Every single day, I have The Talk about end of life with people.  We talk about disease, we talk about pain, we talk about faith, we talk about dying and we talk about funeral options.  We also discuss the aftermath.  I tell people who are worried about when death will happen, that there are signs that it is approaching.  Today, I had the talk with myself about Duke.  It's time, and my heart is broken.

Last night, I came home and got a look from him that something was terribly wrong.  His ears were about as far back as they could be, almost pinned against his head.  He got up with huge effort and came to me,  but instead of begging for some of my syrian bread, he just looked at me-imploring me to do something.  This morning, he's so much worse that he can hardly bear his own weight, and when he walks, his gait is shuffling.  My great big dog is dying.  It's time.  I've known for awhile that this day was coming, but gosh, I'm overwhelmed with grief.  One day, because I can't do it now, I'll tell you how much I owe this beautiful creature.

30 comments:

Brenda said...

I am so sorry Rudee. My heart goes out to you during this extremely difficult time. I came home yesterday and thought I saw a lot of blood in my dog's stool. I will be taking him to the vet today.
My thoughts will be with you and Duke today and your family. Hugs...

distracted by shiny objects said...

I am so sorry. It is heartbreaking in such a deep place that it's difficult to pinpoint.
Max, our first boxer died very suddenly about 30 minutes before we had to leave for Virginia and my hubby's grandmother's memorial service. That was a terribly long drive and the girls and I were tearful through the entire memorial service for a woman we'd never met. We can make it into a funny story now which makes Max the clown he was,but we were devastated.
Many hugs and blessings for Duke and you and your family.

Renie Burghardt said...

Oh, Rudee, I am so very sorry. I am crying as I write. I lost my good boy Rottie, Oscar, in the summer of 2007. I still miss him terribly, and tell him so every day, when I pass his resting place here, at the edge of the woods. I can not offer any sage words of comfort, for there aren't any, but I send prayers your way.

Renie

The Crusty Crone said...

{{{{{{{ RUDEE }}}}}}

J'Ollie Primitives said...

I'm so sorry. Words just aren't enough.

Amy said...

Oh, Rudee, I am so, so sorry. I've got tears in my eyes just reading your post. There is nothing I can say, although I wish there was. Lots and lots of cyber hugs.

Rudee said...

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. Duke died in my arms this morning at 11 AM. He was the greatest dog I've ever had the pleasure to know.

flydragon said...

Oh Rudee, I'm sooooo sorry.

Dawn-Rene said...

So sorry Rudee.

Miss 376 said...

Big hug to you. I'm not a dog person but I know what it is like to lose a pet that has been that close and such a important member of the family. Thoughts are with you

debra said...

{{{Rudee}}}} My heart goes out to you and your family. Give yourself a hug and the time to grieve.
xoxo

Jane said...

Rudee, I'm so sorry. I really feel for you. I know that the day is coming with my pet too and I'm not looking forward to it.
My thoughts are with you. xx

Anonymous said...

Gosh, Ruth, I´m so sorry about Duke. I know he´s so special to you and the family. Saying farewell is so hard but having him suffer is another thing. Lots of transitions these days and they´re NEVER easy.
Thinking of you, my friend.
Love, Jeanne

WT said...

It's an agonising decision that most people with furry friends will have to make at some time.

However, looking to the future, you will feel much better a year from now knowing that you prevented his drawn out suffering, if you decide to let nature take it's course, you'll forever have that nagging thought "should I have eased him on his way"

laurie said...

oh god rudee i had no idea he was that ill. oh this is so heartbreaking. i know some of what you're feeling and i'm so sorry. oh dear oh dear

laurie said...

and willowtree is right, of course.
but oh my god i'm so sorry.

Ruth said...

((((HUGS))) - be kind to yourself in the next little while - its is so sad to lose a pet - you don't realise how much you grieve.
Ruth

Rose said...

I'm so, so sorry. I've had one true dog love and still carry her with me in my heart.

Gail said...

I am so sorry! It is never a good time to lose someone. Dog love is so special...totally unconditional. Now if people would just take the hint.
And remember, All Dogs Go To Heaven.

laurie said...

i keep lurking around here, thinking i should DO something. SAY something. damn i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. damn it.

Rositta said...

Rudee, sorry seems inadequate somehow. I was hoping Prednisone would work for him and he'd be with you a little longer. I was lucky in a sense, I didn't have to make the decision. My beloved lab died in her sleep a few days before I would have been faced with the same decision. I still miss her even after 12 years. Hugs to you...ciao

Lisa L said...

(((((Rudee)))))) (((((Duke)))))

I am so sorry. I know how much you loved him, and he, you. Godspeed Duke..you have been the most excellent, beautiful, loving boy. xxoo

Cynthia said...

I'm sorry to hear about your poor dog,Duke...it's so difficult to lose our good doggy friends...I have many dogs here in Puerto Rico...but it's true that you develop a special feeling for some dogs. I posted a photo of our new puppy, Mr. D'Arcy. a few days ago...somehow he immediately found a place in my heart. Rudee, I hope this time is spent with a much peace as possible...and that your feeling of loss is brief. <3

Rudee said...

I am overwhelmed with emotion reading all of the responses about my Dukealicious. It never ceases to amaze me how funny, witty, caring and kind this relative group of strangers can be. It's a small world, made smaller by the internet. I can't thank you enough for your messages here, and your emails. Your words of comfort have been very meaningful to me.

sue b said...

I am so so sorry. I hope he has a peaceful passing.

Tigers said...

I'm so sorry. Sending a big hug to you.

Betty Flocken said...

OH RUDEE. I'm crying for you now. I'm so so sorry. I wish you didn't have to go through this. Gosh I'm just so damn sorry. You're in my prayers today.

the rotten correspondent said...

Oh, Rudee, I'm so terribly sorry. My heart is breaking for you.It's amazing how these sweet babies touch our souls and make our lives so much better.

Through tears...

Winifred said...

Oh that's so sad Rudee. There's not much anyone can say to help you. It's such a heartbreak even though you know it's coming.

Thinking of you.

Sandy said...

Oh I'm so sorry to read this. This is so so hard. I've been there and I feel for you...