Tuesday, August 17, 2010

How to recognize a bully

He'll be the one with the big mouth, no brakes on his thoughts and the cooler full of Bud.

There was a neighborhood barbecue on Sunday. Since my husband was working, I went alone. Not wanting to go empty handed, I brought along a plant for the hostess, my corn salsa, a fresh peach and strawberry trifle and settled in to get to know my neighbors.

Within five minutes, I finally met the man who lives behind us, but next to Isaac the pit bull. When I introduced myself, he said, "oh, I know you. You're the one who owns, Leo. Like the neighborhood needed another pain in the ass dog to bark and piss me off." He was serious. And mean. To be certain I knew that he meant what he said, he repeated himself twice. Not really knowing all the neighbors well, I was tongue tied and embarrassed. Here's the thing, yes, Leo barks, but we don't let him bark on and on. We call him in the minute he starts up. I know barking is annoying because I hear other neighbor's pooches out there yapping on and on about nothing. This goes on for hours. It's not Isaac, either, because that poor dog doesn't get much outdoor time. This man has a particular dislike for Isaac, which may explain why Isaac, in turn, seems to hate people on the opposite side of the fence.

I should have recognized this boor for what he was: a bully. I'm quite sure it's the reason he lives alone. After all, who could put up with a man so completely lacking in social grace? The big tipoff had to be his personal, extra large cooler full of Budweiser and while I'm no beer snob, (my nose just grew 6 inches), it seems to be the beer choice of bullies. After all, Budweiser, the king of beers, is what my ex drank to excess so I draw from plenty of experience.

After awhile, the bully, who fancies himself a master gardener, finally had enough to drink and became kind and generous. He offered me some of his famous homemade salsa (I'd have starved before accepting) and my choice of the tomatoes growing in his yard. Is this the classic kiss and make up move, or what?

Missing from this get together, was the next door neighbor to the hostess. It seems she committed a gardening faux pas by spraying something to control the spread of morning glories from the hostess' side of the fence. She's out. Isaac's dog mom was clearly not welcome. The young couple a few doors down were out. Don't know if it's because they have kids who may make noise, or because they have a dog. The lady down the street was out and that could be because the Fed-Ex man visits her house a little too often. Like, every single day. Talk about special deliveries.

So, the neighborhood has warts. Most of them are nice enough, but the bully is on my do not fly list, so to speak.

I'm thinking the next time Leo barks, I'll leave him out a little longer. Especially if I know the bully is out there gardening while listening to his radio that he blasts.

And if I was feeling bad for considering a privacy fence, those feelings are quickly dissipating.

Rant over...I can go back to spying on Leo who is at Camp Bow Wow while we paint.


jeannette said...

Oh dear, don't take "him" personal -recognize the AA-needy one! My chuckle is about the Fed-Ex daily delivery:)

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

poor leo, bless his little heart. sorry about the mean old bully, i hate people like that. and i hate their radios too.

smiles, bee

Stephanie V said...

Well, it's as good as a soap opera. Too bad about the Bud-guy...the ones who weren't there sounded pretty interesting. Who says when you're out? Bud-guy?

Rudee said...

Jeannette, we have no clue what's going on with the fed-ex truck, but there are daily "lunch" visits down the street.

Stephanie, I have no clue if Bud guy makes out the guest list. He'd be the first one off mine.

Silliyak said...

Sounds like a new BFF for MLTL!

SkippyMom said...

I have no words. [well, you know I do, but....I am too polite]

Joanna said...

Oh my! It's hard to deal with bully boys. Best to just ignore him I would think.

Miss 376 said...

Hope Leo is ejoying himself, sounds as if he could be having a better time than you

ztoamom said...

The Bud Guy is pretty close phonetically to the Bad Guy. Your discernment is finely tuned... you know a bully when you see one. And I like the Sillyak observation - I thought it too. The Acronyms Club - "Uniting the Difficult People Nationwide.

laurie said...

what a great post. what a horrible neighbor. i've had bad neighbors (dont anymore---we have made friends with abigail's owners, and they are nice as pie) and it's very stressful. your home can no longer be your sanctuary.

NCmountainwoman said...

What a jerk! And what a gracious way to greet a new neighbor.

But don't leave Leo out to bark just to spite this bully. You might unintentionally alienate some neighbors you like. And he's probably too dense to get the message.

Sandy said...

Loved reading the scoop on your neighborhood. Ohhh that bully, how about lobbing some eggs over the fence here and there...cooked or raw, who cares.

Devon said...

I know I chose well, my hubby is allergic to all Budweiser products.

Neighborhoods are like families... sometimes you have to just grin and bear it!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Flaming dog poo in a paper bag.

Just a nifty gift suggestion for your not-so-nice neighbor.