He'll be the one with the big mouth, no brakes on his thoughts and the cooler full of Bud.
There was a neighborhood barbecue on Sunday. Since my husband was working, I went alone. Not wanting to go empty handed, I brought along a plant for the hostess, my corn salsa, a fresh peach and strawberry trifle and settled in to get to know my neighbors.
Within five minutes, I finally met the man who lives behind us, but next to Isaac the pit bull. When I introduced myself, he said, "oh, I know you. You're the one who owns, Leo. Like the neighborhood needed another pain in the ass dog to bark and piss me off." He was serious. And mean. To be certain I knew that he meant what he said, he repeated himself twice. Not really knowing all the neighbors well, I was tongue tied and embarrassed. Here's the thing, yes, Leo barks, but we don't let him bark on and on. We call him in the minute he starts up. I know barking is annoying because I hear other neighbor's pooches out there yapping on and on about nothing. This goes on for hours. It's not Isaac, either, because that poor dog doesn't get much outdoor time. This man has a particular dislike for Isaac, which may explain why Isaac, in turn, seems to hate people on the opposite side of the fence.
I should have recognized this boor for what he was: a bully. I'm quite sure it's the reason he lives alone. After all, who could put up with a man so completely lacking in social grace? The big tipoff had to be his personal, extra large cooler full of Budweiser and while I'm no beer snob, (my nose just grew 6 inches), it seems to be the beer choice of bullies. After all, Budweiser, the king of beers, is what my ex drank to excess so I draw from plenty of experience.
After awhile, the bully, who fancies himself a master gardener, finally had enough to drink and became kind and generous. He offered me some of his famous homemade salsa (I'd have starved before accepting) and my choice of the tomatoes growing in his yard. Is this the classic kiss and make up move, or what?
Missing from this get together, was the next door neighbor to the hostess. It seems she committed a gardening faux pas by spraying something to control the spread of morning glories from the hostess' side of the fence. She's out. Isaac's dog mom was clearly not welcome. The young couple a few doors down were out. Don't know if it's because they have kids who may make noise, or because they have a dog. The lady down the street was out and that could be because the Fed-Ex man visits her house a little too often. Like, every single day. Talk about special deliveries.
So, the neighborhood has warts. Most of them are nice enough, but the bully is on my do not fly list, so to speak.
I'm thinking the next time Leo barks, I'll leave him out a little longer. Especially if I know the bully is out there gardening while listening to his radio that he blasts.
And if I was feeling bad for considering a privacy fence, those feelings are quickly dissipating.
Rant over...I can go back to spying on Leo who is at Camp Bow Wow while we paint.