Gauge

Dear RudeeK Smartypants,

We saw that you whipped right through the Barbara McIntire square of the Great American Aran Afghan. We were particularly impressed that you got both row and stitch gauge and that your square measures an exact 12 inches. Good for you. You were even able to fix the stitches you accidentally purled instead of knit. We're proud of this because in the past, you'd have let the mistake stand and in our eyes, this would never do.

That said, we are gravely concerned with your work on the Suzanne Atkinson square of the afghan. Again, the directions state clearly that each square measures 12 x 12 inches. What you have so far is 14 inches wide. This piece doesn't have a lot of cabling that you can count upon to shrink the work. In fact, it has only a 2/2 LC and 2/2 RC that don't occur on every row. Do you think that's enough to shrink the width of your square by 2 inches?

At what point will you admit that tonight, you have no knitting mojo and throw in the towel?

Step away from the needles and yarn. Now.

Sincerely,

The Guild

P. S. We are concerned about recent events in your home. We suggest you offer up more to appease the spirits than scraps of merino yarn and a heel of Parmesan cheese. Clever though that was, we suggest you find some cashmere to leave out. And maybe explore the chicken bone, garlic and spitting ceremony.