Friday, February 27, 2009

Falsie Advertising?


Six years ago, I went to Cancun with my BF Fanny, another friend and my oldest daughter. By day we'd lie by the pool, swim in the ocean and drink exotic cocktails carried to us by uniformed wait staff. It was wonderful. At night we'd try offbeat restaurants and then hit the nightclubs. I've created many vacation rocking chair memories with Fanny that I hope to tap into when I become ancient and decrepit, but this trip was the best.

For 27 years, Fanny has made me laugh longer and louder than any other human on earth. Like me, she is not exactly well endowed. Just to get the illusion of cleavage, we both need all the help we can get from duct tape, miracles and any other push-up type device on the market. Over the years, we've come to accept the way things are, but that doesn't stop a girl from wishing for just a wee bit more in the asset department. Enter the falsies-which have come a long way since the days of using Kleenex to pad things up. One night, Fanny asked to borrow the silicone wonders I had brought along to help me fill out my nearly A B cups. After a few drinks with dinner, we went to the Hard Rock Cafe to listen to some live music and dance. Fanny, always the life of any party, got up on the stage to mime along with the song YMCA and toward the end of her stellar performance, just as she was making the Y with her arms above her head, something gave way and the falsies slipped out. The look on her face of complete mortification is etched in my mind forever. Six years later, I'm still wiping tears from my eyes whenever I think about that trip.


In a what you see, is not what you always get sort of way, the French colonial was an abysmal house. Where do I start with the shortcomings? Perhaps the neighbor's jacked up Ford F-350 was the first sign that all would not go well on this visit. Or could it have been the 4 foot tall heaps of scrap metal and lumber in his yard? From every window in the house, I could see the neighbor's perfect nests for rats. The downstairs of the home was cozy with beautiful French doors in the dining and living rooms. The kitchen was modernized, but a bit small; smaller than Charming's kitchen. The only bathroom had a claw foot tub with a makeshift shower. The kill the deal third bedroom was the problem as one had to walk through the master to get to it. Since it was currently set up as a nursery, I think that's exactly what it was intended to be a hundred years ago. There was a kitchenette on the second floor too that I'm still pondering. At first I thought it had been converted to a multifamily dwelling, but since it had only one bathroom, this made no sense. I don't know what it was for. Perhaps it had been a bathroom that was changed to a kitchen for a homeowner too lazy to go downstairs to make food. Not a single room had closet doors, they all had curtains in front of the closets. It was an odd little home.


Today's photos are of homes in Charming's neighborhood. Gee, what's missing? Junk heaps and jacked up pickup trucks. With every house I see, Charming looks better, warts and all.



18 comments:

debra said...

Oh, dear. The right house is out there just waiting for you.

Gail said...

The right house will find you. Know about dousing rods? Try the
silicones on a string and see which way they point.

Rudee said...

Gail, will that help me find a house? I'm a little worried it would point me to a haunted house.

Brenda said...

Oh my gosh that was a fun memory. I have a feeling you are ready for another one of those pretty soon. I have always had a large chest and can never figure out why women would want them large. We always want we we don't have I guess.
I could tell that house did nothing for you, but hopefully one will appear soon!

Rudee said...

Oh Brenda, I don't want a large chest. A smidge more would be fabulous. If wishes were fishes...

MuseSwings said...

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog today! I enjoyed reading a few of your posts - I'd love if someone would leave stuffed cabgages on my doorstep - I haven't made them for years. Good luck with your house hunting! I'll check back and see how things are progressing - love the pictures and comments. I'm a former Detroiter enjoying the Florida sunshine. I tell people our snowblower broke in 1991 and we had to make a decision...buy a new one or move to FL. Se here we are.

Miss 376 said...

Brenda, I'm with you. Both my mum and I had pacts with less endowed friends to share some of ours with them. Mind you, going up to a J cup when I had DS2, going back to a 34DD/E is what I call bliss.

flydragon said...

Hahaha, isn't it great to have good friends that can cause fits of hysterical laughter years later. What a trip that must have been!!
Now to the house. Even though it looks great on the outside, it looks like you wasted your time on that one. False advertising, indeed!

I am curious about that snow pile in the middle of charming's street, though:))

Rose said...

Sorry the house search is dragging. So much for it being a buyer's market, eh? Thanks for the comment about my stepson. Not sure if I can go into detail on the blog about the trip but the eldest stepdaughter was a PAIN!

Rudee said...

Muse-maybe we'll make a decision too. Seems Mr. Larger Than Life has killed our snowblower.

Miss, While I recognize that less may indeed be more, I'd like to be able to give the mammogram tech something to stick in the machine.

Flydragon- Those streets are so wide and the picture doesn't show the median. What it does demonstrate is that the streets get plowed. I've taken many trips with Fanny and she always makes me laugh.

Rose-steps are so hard. Even when they're adults.

laurie said...

bummer. but there are so many houses out there. you'll find yours.

Renie Burghardt said...

Okay, Rudee, I've had my laughs for today reading this post. Your poor friend! And that Brenda is full of surprises! Haha. Sorry Brenda, I couldn't resist that one.

Rudee I have been trying to follow your blog but it just won't take! My widget it out of order or something and won't let me follow anyone. I will keep trying though. But thanks so much for following mine. If you have any handy hints, I'd appreciate them.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend. Maybe you'll be doing more house hunting.

Renie

Rudee said...

Laurie, I have dipped my toes into the lukewarm water. I've sent out the initial feelers to the agent who owns Charming. I'm waiting to hear back. If it's a go, I'll sign the contract Monday.

Poetikat said...

Did you know in England they call those falsies "chicken fillets"?
I'm not particularly well-endowed either, but I find that's nice when you don't necessarily want to be strapped into a bra.

Kat

Rudee said...

I rather like that name Kat.

Winifred said...

I hope you find your dream home soon. What a nightmare looking out of the windows and seeing all that crap.

Sandy said...

HAHAHAHA..about the falsies, too funny. I'm in the same predicament but I realized that's okay, the older I get..I don't have the droop as much...hehe..

I always enjoy the house photos. Really enjoy them and that one sounds really bad, I assume that is not on your short list.

Silliyak said...

You may have already seen this, but just in case

http://www.lovelylisting.com/