Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The Crazy Man Always Rings Twice
For days, the news stations have been warning us of an epic snowstorm that will start after midnight on Wednesday morning. Tonight, they altered their forecasts to say there will be a coating to an inch or two of snow, surely not the life altering blizzard they warned about. Even so, I'm sure Mr. Larger Than Life has his knickers in a knot over this one.
Saturday, after a half inch snowfall, he called to tell me our snow blower was at his house and he wanted to know if we needed it. It was 8:05 AM. Well actually, he thought he was talking to my husband, and I just played along. I swear, I have a girlie voice, but that's beside the point. I told him we didn't need the snow blower for such a small amount, and by the time we get out of bed, the snow will melt. He was very insistent, wanting to know what my son was doing. Uh, sleeping. I'm not dumb, I knew exactly what he wanted: someone to clean his drive. He can't come right out and say so though, it must always be masked as something beneficial to us. By the time we got going on Saturday, he'd already cleaned his own drive, and then called everyone he knew to let them know we didn't do it for him. When the boys saw him, they were regaled with stories of how much he was sweating while shoveling. As predicted, the snow melted on its own by late morning, and no shoveling was required at our own house.
As obsessed as this man is about leaves, he's ten times worse when it snows. He gets very upset if there is even one flake left on his drive. He used to call when he was out of town and thought it may have snowed at home. He needed to be sure his drive was cleared. As with leaves, there are special implements to use for different areas of the drive and the chore provider must be ever vigilant to adhere to the rules. There is a certain shovel that will tear up the carpet he applied to the front porch. I know that begs the question of why someone would carpet a 6 x 4 foot area, but that's neither here, nor there. That was very expensive outdoor carpet he installed a thousand years ago. Particular care must be taken. When shoveling is complete, liberal amounts of road salt must be applied, and don't bother arguing when it's too cold for salt to melt anything. You'll not get anywhere. One of these days, I'm going to hook him up with Mr. Farmer. I'm sure they'll get along famously.
Tomorrow, I'll be ready for him. When I go to bed tonight, I'll turn the ringer off on the phone. I'm not getting up early to hear about something that will melt by noon.
Photo: Google Images