Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Crazy Man Always Rings Twice


For days, the news stations have been warning us of an epic snowstorm that will start after midnight on Wednesday morning. Tonight, they altered their forecasts to say there will be a coating to an inch or two of snow, surely not the life altering blizzard they warned about. Even so, I'm sure Mr. Larger Than Life has his knickers in a knot over this one.

Saturday, after a half inch snowfall, he called to tell me our snow blower was at his house and he wanted to know if we needed it. It was 8:05 AM. Well actually, he thought he was talking to my husband, and I just played along. I swear, I have a girlie voice, but that's beside the point. I told him we didn't need the snow blower for such a small amount, and by the time we get out of bed, the snow will melt. He was very insistent, wanting to know what my son was doing. Uh, sleeping. I'm not dumb, I knew exactly what he wanted: someone to clean his drive. He can't come right out and say so though, it must always be masked as something beneficial to us. By the time we got going on Saturday, he'd already cleaned his own drive, and then called everyone he knew to let them know we didn't do it for him. When the boys saw him, they were regaled with stories of how much he was sweating while shoveling. As predicted, the snow melted on its own by late morning, and no shoveling was required at our own house.

As obsessed as this man is about leaves, he's ten times worse when it snows. He gets very upset if there is even one flake left on his drive. He used to call when he was out of town and thought it may have snowed at home. He needed to be sure his drive was cleared. As with leaves, there are special implements to use for different areas of the drive and the chore provider must be ever vigilant to adhere to the rules. There is a certain shovel that will tear up the carpet he applied to the front porch. I know that begs the question of why someone would carpet a 6 x 4 foot area, but that's neither here, nor there. That was very expensive outdoor carpet he installed a thousand years ago. Particular care must be taken. When shoveling is complete, liberal amounts of road salt must be applied, and don't bother arguing when it's too cold for salt to melt anything. You'll not get anywhere. One of these days, I'm going to hook him up with Mr. Farmer. I'm sure they'll get along famously.

Tomorrow, I'll be ready for him. When I go to bed tonight, I'll turn the ringer off on the phone. I'm not getting up early to hear about something that will melt by noon.

Photo: Google Images

14 comments:

Rose said...

Sounds like a good plan. If it's any consolation, I'm flying to Missouri next week and I'm sure I'll freeze my butt off. Payback for all our nice weather here.

Miss T said...

Gah. I live next door to a Lawn Nut. She usually mows three times a week, and it drives her *nuts* if our lawn has been mowed more recently than hers. My sympathies.

Brenda said...

Has Mr. Larger Than Life been diagnosed with OCD? Does the poor man ever relax? He doesn't read your blog does he? Hope all is going well with the new move! My life has been busy but boring lately. Pretty weather please come soon!!!

Rudee said...

Brenda, he has many acronyms to explain his behavior. I've never told him about my blog. Don't feel too badly, he's well cared for-like a baby veal. I hear you about the weather. I'm tired of this.

debra said...

Ah, I know what you mean! My father-in-law complained about all the sticks and twigs on the path-----in the woods. It's a tough way to go through life.

Karen said...

It's Wednesday at 10:30 am and the snow has hit here in Northeast PA! I really can't wait to see the first spring Robins.....

Winifred said...

Definitely OCD man!
I'm sorry for the problems he causes you but it really makes me laugh. He must be a nutter. I bet he makes his own life a misery never mind everyone else's.

Amazing how they don't get the weather accurate. Luckily we're not forecast any more snow for the next few days. Hopefully we're finished with it but you never know. Hope yours disappears fast and you get no phone calls from you know who.

owiatw said...

Where is the ham when you need it!

Anonymous said...

Have you blogged about the time Papa tried to rake the leaves off the roof of the house (bumping his head on a metal awning) and hospitalizing himself for a near death experience caused by a bleed on his brain...I mean "sinus infection"?

Sandy said...

I really enjoyed reading about your crazy neighbor, and is that actually a pic of him, I love the way the photo looks. This was really funny. My sis had a neighbor and she mowed three times a week and raked every day and made sure to clean the gutters in the street all the time. She was so obsessive.

Rudee said...

Debra-mine would complain about twigs too.

Karen-our snow turned into a rain event. Very non dramatic given the lead up.

Winifred-at least he gives me something to laugh about, especially when I answer the phone and he calls me by my husband's name.

O-no ham, but that's ok.

Anon-I've not written about that yet, but I should.

Sandy-my neighbors across the street sweep the street everyday from spring until the first snow.

distracted by shiny objects said...

Sounds like his snow and leaf issues keep him from running the streets:>)

Rudee said...

Distracted, he is in his 80s, has a TBI and still drives. Drivers beware in the big D.

Betty Flocken said...

OMG; what a challenge not to STRANGLE him!!! YOU are my hero!!!