The sock is suffering, and if I weren't so tired of doing hospice starts of care, I'd do one on the sock right this minute and here is how I'd report off to the next shift about this dying creation.
Name: Mrs. Twisted Right Sock (Oh, ok, at this point she could be a right or left sock, but who cares?)
Location: Bottom of the knitting basket
Diagnosis: Terminal tedium. Fatal for sure.
Physician: Dr. Ruth, of course
Prognosis: Not long for this world
Acuity Level: Very high.
Problems: This patient is very needy and tedious. In fact, if I hadn't been overusing the phrase so much lately, I'd label her a pain in the arse, but it's really unprofessional to speak so poorly of the nearly departed. Mrs. Sock is consuming an inordinate amount of time per row due to all of her purl stitch requirements being done on itty-bitty needles. It has taken her primary caregiver all weekend to purl her way through 14 rows and this fact alone has created a rift in their relationship. This sock is done for and its hours on earth are numbered.
Is sockenasia a crime?
In a last ditch effort to save Mrs. Sock, I've considered introducing round robin knitting, or in this case, purling, to keep this sock on life support. To my knowledge, nothing like this has ever been attempted outside of Sock Wars, but if anyone out there is willing to purl a few rounds on this sock, I am willing to send her on and when you've had enough purling to the point you'd rather stab yourself in the eye with that fancy double point, you can send it forward to the next do-gooder. If she ever makes it back here and lives to tell, we'll start the second sock and do the same. At the end, we'll donate the darned things to charity. Debra and Cups of Kindness should be sending out feelers for their annual event and this would be the perfect resting place for socks with a story.
I will forward the sock, on Kollage double points, the pattern, yarn and a disposable camera to the first knitter willing to do CPR on a dying sock.