Thursday, July 17, 2008

Another Dimension

I'm curious if anyone out there thinks they may be psychic.  Or if not psychic, at least sensitive.  I'm talking about the times you think of someone you haven't thought of in a long time and the next thing you know, they're knocking on your door, calling you or writing you.  This happens to me a lot and quite frankly, spooks me when it does.

Six years ago, my dad died.  He'd not been feeling well for a week or so then finally got so bad that they went to the hospital.  Living in a small town, there wasn't a choice of hospitals.  It's also a very small hospital with around 100 beds.  I'd left work when I got the call and he was still in the ER.  I ran out to get a bite to eat and went back to make sure he was in a room and he had what he needed.  The staff had put my dad in a room with another patient who was in 4 point leather restraints and had a 1:1 sitter.  The nursing alarms were ringing in my head; this would never do.  I made a little noise and they moved my dad to Room 130 Bed B.  He died that night.  I remember calling to check on him later too (when I had a premonition) and being scolded with "did you really want me to wake him?  Can't you wait until morning?"  I wish now that I'd insisted, but that is an entirely different story. 

Almost exactly 4 years later, my mom was admitted to the same small hospital.  When I got to the hospital, my mom was actively dying and she was in the same exact room and bed number as my dad had been: 130B.  She had told me some weeks earlier that she didn't want anything heroic done.  Just comfort care.  We requested hospice for her and began a bedside vigil.  Hospice staff had told us they'd move her to a hospice room as soon as it became available.  I knew they wouldn't be able to do that.  She was meant to die right there, in the same space my father had.  She passed around 7 hours after we signed her onto hospice.  I know it sounds weird.  I know the hospital is small, but what are the odds that this is the spot she'd die? 

These memories came up yesterday because I did a hospice visit at that hospital yesterday.  Thankfully, the patient was in a different bed.  I felt uncomfortable there and found it hard to be in the moment with my new patient's family when all I could think of was my own.  


laurie said...

amy, was it a comfort to your mother to die in the same place as your father? i can see where it would be, but i can also see where it would be rather unsettling for you.

and how those memories would stay with you when you revisit that spot.

i am not psychic, nor do i want to be, but after my sister kristin died i had a very unnerving experience.

i was walking the dogs one evening a few weeks after her death when a silver car pulled up and a blond woman smiled at me as though she knew me. she said, "is your name kristin?"

and i felt such a JOLT. i said no, but that i had a sister named kristin.

and the blond woman smiled and smiled and said, "you look just like kristin!" and then drove away.

my sister kristin had never lived in st. paul. it was a very strange experience.

laurie said...

sorry for calling you amy. i know that's not your name. i am still woozy.

Rudee said...

I don't know if my mom was aware of where she was or not. She knew she was dying for weeks but was sneaky. Giving away stuff, making amends. She didn't tell anyone what was going on. That she ended up in that bed was like a sucker punch at first and later, a comfort.

That was a weird thing with your sister. I know mbf gets little signs from her daughter who died 4 years ago. It can be unnerving.

I knew it was the drugs talking Laurie.

Rose said...

I don't think I'm psychic but I'm very much an empath which sometimes may look like the same thing. I'm sorry you had a rough time. And thanks for the offer of packing consultant, but I'm definitely of the underpacking persuasion, which is why it was so weird that I had a dream about it. Hot-lanta, here I come!

Anonymous said...

It has been 6 years since dad passed. I to wish that I went one more time to see him. I have an extremely dfficult time going into that hospital.

I truly believe mom planned to die when our sister came to town. She had all her kids over for a picnic. Then the next thing she is hospitalized. She was ready!
She truly went to the great casino!!!

I miss them both!


Rudee said...

me too fudge. It'll be 6 years on the 25th. It was so hard to go in that hospital-I'm just grateful it won't be routinely expected of me to do so. If I'd known you were back, I'd have called ya for dinner. Sorry...

laurie said...

"gone to the great casino." i like that.

btw, thanks for the ointment suggestion. it worked slick.


Rudee said...

laurie, she woke up 3 hours before she died and asked if she was going to the big casino in the sky. We told her yes and she said good. I don't think she talked after that.