Oh Come On Now!

I despise American news.  I dislike it so much because of the way fear is induced just by watching television news.   It truly is enough to make someone want to stay home and cower in the corner with all the doors and windows locked up tight.  Local news is ridiculous and it would seem on the surface that nothing good ever happens in Detroit.  Watching the news before bed can give you nightmares.  Feel good stories are usually buried in the back of the paper or late in the newscast and are preceded by story after story of murder, mayhem, accidents and insanity.  For a sampling of this barrage of madness, I have included the story titles from several local "news" venues for today:

"Woman Stabbed While Shoveling Snow"  ... from now on, I think I'll leave the shoveling to the men in my family..

"Son Arraigned In Slaying of Parents" ...again with the stabbing deaths.. should I lock up my knives???

"Ex-Detroit TV Anchor Died of Hanging"  ...done herself in after she was charged with embezzlement......

"Betrayal of Trust : Sex Crime Charge for Lake Orion Minister"  ...the only news here is that he wasn't a Catholic priest.....

"Sex Sting:  Ex-con Loaded with Condoms"  ...I would think internet sex predators had heard about the Wayne County Sheriffs who are adept at catching these morons.....

"INVESTIGATORS:  Hospital Patients Robbed" ....moral of the story: if you are sick, leave your valuables at home or lock them up with security at the hospital. This isn't new "news".

"Security Glitch at Metro Airport".....how can you not know your metal detector isn't working?  I hate flying.

"Train Hits Car While Driver's on Phone" ... she survived but should think of filing suit against her phone carrier for failure to label her phone as a dangerous to her health.....

"Dozens More Bankruptcies May be Coming" ....great, and I just shot my bonus pay on 25 skeins of yarn....

"4 to 8 Inches of Snow Expected for Region"  ....dammit--I better tell my men folk to get the shovels out.  I plan to hole up in the house with the doors and windows locked-right after I install some new deadbolts and lock up the knives in my safe.