Forgive the rant, but if I don't blow off steam somewhere, I'm likely to do so in the correct arena and find myself fired for the effort.
Um... So today, I got my annual evaluation and although mostly good, meeting all expectations and at times exceeding expectations (which is corporate lingo for she doesn't sit on her ass), I got lower scores for teamwork. What?
I've gone all summer, in fact, I've gone a year without a proper vacation. I've begged, cajoled, and worked hard to find enough people to cover me so I can take an occasional 3 or 4 day weekend. In the beginning of July, I asked for September 25th and 28th off. I didn't hear, didn't hear, didn't hear. Weeks went by and my weekly visits to Northworst Airlines showed me only that airfares were climbing and I was losing opportunity and money. Every week I asked my boss and got answers like "everyone wants to use their vacation time." Well DOH! That's what it's there for. In the meantime, mine continues to accrue to levels I've never seen in my time bank, and I can't use it.
This "not a team player" comment burned like someone had thrown acid on me. I've done lengthy visits to cover both my colleague, who has been on leave since May, and the east side of town. I'm the west side nurse--covering the east side adds 50 miles to my day. I've never turned down an assignment. I may not be happy about them, but I never turn them down. If that's not a team player, then the definition is lost on me. I know this is about me questioning the decisions of people who schedule my time, but too bad. It's personal now.
So I met with my supervisor to discuss these issues. For once, I was able to articulate my feelings without using the F word. Though I thought it, I didn't say it. I did say a lot of other things, including the fact that I feel like Cinderella on this night shift; alone and forgotten until there is an issue, like me being a smartass to the the schedulers. I also told her I've reached the point of frustration with these vacation issues and during the middle of our conversation, we were interrupted by a dayshift nurse who is starting her 2 week vacation today and wanted to know if she should turn in her computer. It was a poetic moment. Everyone, except me, has had vacation time off this summer, and I'm not talking a long weekend here, I'm talking weeks.
"Perhaps," I told my boss, "I'm seething with resentment because you won't give me time off, and this is reflecting in my work." I continued to tell her, "you know, this hospice work takes a toll on a nurse's psyche. We should all have a little downtime." I'd have loved a photo of her face in that moment.
We'd been planning to go to Rhinebeck in the the fall, but now we've waited so long to get a hotel, that this will not be possible--every town in a 50 mile radius is booked. Who wouldn't get a bit of an attitude in the face of this? I saved the best for last: the girl who schedules my shift and complains about my smart mouth is on vacation for the next ten days. She just started her J.O.B. Poor girl must have been overworked.
Thanks for listening--at least at work, nobody else does.