Saturday, March 24, 2012

Sometimes, all you have to do is say so.

The next chapter in my life is still going to happen, but it's been delayed a bit. Though I wanted to make my change to a contingent position happen yesterday, or in this particular case, two months ago, it's now not going to happen until maybe May. I already have a replacement, but with one nurse going on medical leave and another leaving her position to go back to school (she'll need a replacement, too, and so will her replacement), the organization will be pinched for staff if we all make our moves now, so I'm going to have to wait and practice patience and tolerance.

The end of May is it for me though and I'm going to give them a date where it will be written in stone. Someone in our group is ALWAYS going to need a replacement and I want to have room for other things in my life--things I want to do and activities I actually love doing. It's time to put my foot down because I'm feeling an urgent need for change.

Birthdays and funerals do that to me, and this week, both have played a part in my life. I turned an age today I never thought I would when I was a really young girl, and yesterday, I went to the funeral of a woman who was only 62. The last time she and I spoke, she was talking excitedly about her upcoming retirement and all she would do with her free time. Time for herself. Time to pursue the leisure activities she enjoyed. Things she won't ever be able to do now.

Sue was the care coordinator for an organization that helps people with cognitive challenges live as independently as possible in real homes and in real neighborhoods. She first came into our lives about a year or so before we turned our own home into a supervised assisted living for our daughter and her roommates. Sue told me to trust her in the beginning and that she had only our best interests at heart. I placed all control into her hands (a very, very hard thing to do) and never once regretted that decision. Almost singlehandedly, this incredible woman changed our lives. As I walked into the funeral home yesterday, I was awestruck by the sheer amount of human beings congregating in one place to pay respect to a woman who very obviously knew how to take a noun like community and turn it into a verb. There were hundreds of people packed into that funeral home.

Sue's love and expertise will be sorely missed and I am saddened by her sudden death, but to me, the biggest tragedy here is that she never lived to see her personal dreams for her retirement come true. After a lifetime of giving of herself and caring for others first, she was cheated of a proper ending. What a shame.

After I left the funeral, I went into town to buy some Zauberball yarn. I'm on a mission to make a blanket that is so intriguing to me with its textures and color. As I spoke with the owner of the store, she looked up the pattern (Squares on the Roll) herself and immediately said she loved it, too, and thought this would be a great project for a weekly knit-along in the store. Where the words came from, I don't know, but in a very surreal moment, I took a step forward and told her I would love to lead this group. I heard myself saying the words that came unbidden from my lips and think my subconscious desires must have been hard at work in that very moment. I've talked about teaching knitting, but never dreamed a shop owner would jump on the offer. Well, she did, and since life is apparently short, I'm diving right into this with my heart wide open.

It's time. My time, and I'll be damned if I'll be cheated of that little bit of self actualization.

So, in June, on Tuesday evenings, I'll be leading a knit along for this project at the only yarn store in Berkley, and as soon as we've ironed out the details, I'll post the information both here and on Ravelry.

This, as I enter my 56th year, is going to be fun.


Rose said...

Fantastic! I bet it was your inner voice speaking up and what a good thing you allowed it to happen. Can't wait to see how your new adventure plays out! Congratulations!

Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

sarge always said life is short, live it, and he did, good for you honey. i am so saddened by your friend though.

hugs, bee

sapphireblue said...

You are going to do great with your next chapter in life. That blanket is awesome!

LeslieA said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend who must have been a wonderful woman,but very pleased that you will soon be starting a new chapter in your life.Enjoy!!xxxx

Finding Pam said...

Rudee, entering your 56 year...does this mean you had a birthday? Just wondering. I love the squares in the round pattern.

I'm sad that Sue did not get to realize her dream of retirement, but I'm sure she is busy in heaven organizing and caring for people.

That is so wonderful that you offered to teach this class. Just wish I was close enough to attend. Of course it would also help if I knew how to knit. Just saying.

Kuddos to you for standing your ground. I know you will enjoy the extra time.

Brenda said...

So is today your birthday? If so...Happy Birthday! 56 sound really young to me. Good for you..on leading the class. That sounds fun. Your friend sounds like she had a great life and was well loved and admired. Sorry she passes so early though.

Stephanie V said...

Happy Birthday! Big moments in your life have a way of creeping up when you're not looking. Good for you to just say 'Yes' when it tapped you on the shoulder. I think that that's when I've gotten myself into the most hot water but more often, the most interesting and fun stuff.

Love that blanket pattern. Can we knit along on-line, too? That would be fun.

Silliyak said...

Sorry for your loss, and not happy with the age. I'm going into my 2nd month of 62ness tomorrow.

Amy said...

Happy birthday, and I bet Sue would fervently approve.

Jadekitty said...

Happy birthday!
I love that blanket, can't wait to hear the class goes.

Rositta said...

A very happy birthday Rudee and may you have many more. You will do great in your new role as teacher and it's great to do something you love. I had one too a couple of weeks ago but pretty much ignored it. Very sad about your friend. Life is short, seize the moment...ciao

Alice said...

In "stone" and your time is already booked!! Do NOT allow yourself to wobble.

What a great blanket. What a great idea. Now you need to trust yourself and remember to have YOUR best interest at heart . . . for once.

(This I know, for I am not only a nurse, but I just celebrated/ignored MINE on the "ides of March".)

Congrats on taking charge of JOY.

SkippyMom said...

Happy Birthday! [It is your birthday, right?] and the biggest congratulations on the class. You are going to ROCK at it. They will be so fortunate to have you Rudee.

Good luck getting your job situation fixed to your satisfaction. It will be about time.

The Bug said...

Happy birthday! Love the blanket - that will be a lot of fun. And I can't wait to hear your tales of teaching.

I went to a funeral yesterday too - however, my lady had thoroughly enjoyed her retirement. She was 78. She was still taken too young by cancer - other than the cancer she was in great health. But she did get time to enjoy not teaching for a living.

Ruth said...

Happy Birthday for Saturday.
The blanket looks amazing will be very warm, Keep that date written in stone. This is not the time to be generous with your life.

Devon said...

I know what you mean. I went to the funeral of a good friend last month. This month I have cut way back on my hours at work.. my kids are 12 and 15.. I just need to be home more!

I am so excited for you teaching the class. The pattern looks great.. I have a passion for sock yarn and can't wait to knit this one. Are you going to DPNs or circulars?

splenidd said...

It is such a joy to come and visit you here, you always stir me up one way or the other;today with tears and with resolve! I saw this the other day and have repeated it several times:" What is it you plan to do with your one wild & precious life?" giving is great, but you deserve to get as well. xoxoxoxoxox

Gail said...

Even in her death, she is still giving to you. Would you have spoken up in the yard store, if you did realize she had missed her dreams?

Yes, the farm has many treasures and on most days, it shares them with me. When it does not share, it is my doing, not Nature's.

(Queenmothermamaw) Peggy said...

Rudee that story just gave me cold chills. How right you are to take this opportunity. So sorry such a fine giving woman is gone but I guess she had completed the journey providence had worked out for her. You will be an excellent teacher.

Larjmarj said...

Though I'm slapped in the face with mortality as you are with your work, there's nothing like the reality check of losing someone close to you to make you realize how precious time really is and oh how it marches on. Sigh.....I'm up for one of those "landmark" BD's this year and it really has me in to reflective overdrive. I hope you had a wonderful BD and although you didn't win the 600 mil, I'm sure you are wealthy in spirit. :-)

Sandy said...

I'll be 62 in December, so reading this made me really sad. I almost left too at the end of November with bacterial meningitis. (Docs didn't think I'd make it)...But I survived to harrass my family even more.

I'm glad you are following your heart and doing what you want to do!

Wow, 56 sounds so young. I love that year. To think back then I only had one grandchild and from that year on - things got crazy and seven more were born.

The years fly by, don't they.