Sunday, October 2, 2011

The Dog Torturers

I've been asked a few times lately to allow for a guest post. I don't ordinarily do this, but just this once, I agreed. Enjoy.


My name is Leo and I live with two of the most controlling women you'd ever want to meet. Oh sure, they give me treats and take me to training every Thursday, but still, sometimes they can be difficult when it comes to cohabitation. The young one is OK to live with since when she bakes, she always bakes for me, too, but that old one can be a real hard head. There has been a lot of talk recently about my grooming skills and in particular, my aroma. I have no clue what they're talking about and to me, I think I smell fine. Just right.

They've been chattering all weekend about waiting for a warmer day to get me to smell like roses again, but in the end settled for just plain sunshine. Hello? It's only around 50 degrees out there--the sun is deceiving. Evil wenches. Before I knew what hit me, the old one enticed me into the bathroom and forcibly placed me in the bathtub.

What do you mean, "see how dirty you were?" I was fine with that and consider that a patina--not dirt. Surely she exaggerates because the water looks clean to me. Lavender and mint dog shampoo? Really?

Just you wait. The minute this towel is off, I'm going to shake and you're going to be covered in hair and water. Wait, wait, wait! OMG! She cleaned out my ears with cotton balls and alcohol. Dammit! It made me moan.

Oh, OK, since you were nice enough to turn on the space heater for me, I'll be smart enough to sit there until I'm warm again. However, the minute you let me out that back door, I'm going to roll in something smelly.

People, as you can see, I'm really suffering here. Please send help and if you can't do that, some of those nice bison cookies would make me feel better.




SkippyMom said...

We love you Leo and eventhough we think Momma fibs a little bit about your exploits, we know you are a good doggie. :)

And now you smell like a girl. Tell Mom, Skippy said nice job. [I agree with you Leo, mint and lavendar, really?]

Enjoy your space heater lil' man.

Miss 376 said...

Haha, think I'm with the older woman myself, the canine creature here could do with a dose of lavender too

Stephanie V said...

You can get lavender and mint dog shampoo? Poor Leo LOL

Denise said...

I'm with the older one, too. Feel glad she gave you the space heater.

Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

hi leo! honey it DOES look to me like you were a wee bit dirty... glad it's over though.

smiles, auntie bee

The Bug said...

Poor sweet puppy - having to take all that abuse! Thank goodness you live in Michigan where I'm sure the weather will cooperate in making your filthy again before too long :)

ari_1965 said...

"The Germans are a strong race? The cold showers, the toughness! Now I see with my own eyes that you have the lavender mint soap, the soft towel in patterns desired by the gigolo, the space heater. Yes, I have now seen for myself the German he curls near the space heater like the pup she squeezes closer to the teat of the mother. A Belgian scorns the towel, the space heater. We are not afraid to dry in the air, as God intended. German toughness, hein? It is a lie."

Gail said...

Poor are so mistreated!

I would love to be abused like that! Hang in there, now you smell sweet, you will get more hugs and snuggles.

Jadekitty said...

Leo, you need to smell nice at least once a month. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?! (Great post)

Mimi said...

he, he!
Leo, the lavender and mint dog shampoo is so you don't get fleas!

NCmountainwoman said...

Sorry, Leo, but I have owned dogs for more than 50 years. I'm wise to those pitiful looks. Now do as you are told.